The walking dead.

Dayana Z | Friday, October 07, 2011 | 8Comments |
Tomorrow is KDU's Sports Carnival, the closing ceremony I suppose, because basically all the events have all been held except cheerleading, telematch and some athletics event tomorrow. Like usual I'll be running. This year I'll be going for 200m relay, like when I was in standard 3. (HAHA comel tak? Ingat lagi masa lari tu, kaki terseliuh semalamnya sebab pergi tasik hantar tortoises yang dah besar-besar hehe) .
Okay, random much. It is a norm for me to run for 4x100m and that is what I signed up for in the first place, but we had no one to run for 4x200m and there were many that preferred to run for 100m relay, yelahh kan, siapa nak lari 200, speed AND stamina. -_-
When I was 16 and 17, I ran for the same 2 events in school, 200m individual and 100m relay. But what happened in form 5 really traumatized me. I still can remember how my vision blacked out on me somehow, and in a way I could not feel my legs, but I kept running and I did finish the run, and the good thing is I wasn't the last one to arrive. Maybe I used too much energy focusing on my first 100m, I am used to doing that. And then nothing much was left for my second 100m. I could feel I was getting slower. THAT feeling I HATE. The feeling where you can feel your energy damping. It is the LAST thing that I want to happen for tomorrow.
I don't know how, but I HAVE to believe in myself, and I have to trust my body, I have to know that I can push myself more than 100m sprint. I can sprint for 200m! (Yeahhhh right! - Still having doubts)

Whatever it is, I still have to run with this right ear not hearing very well tomorrow. I don't want my team disqualified, just because I can't hear with my right ear. However, I know that I can't balance really well since I can feel only one side of me. 
Honestly, do not mock the elderly when they can't actually listen to what you are saying. I know how it feels to be in that state. You hear people talking, but you can't really figure out what they are saying. It is extra suffering when you have to give extra focus in class just because you can't hear very well.
And when I talk, I feel like talking in a swimming pool~ 

When I headed down from the 16th to the ground floor of this condominium to practice my running, I saw an old lady in a wheelchair-stroller thing, she somehow laid down on it, being pushed by her maid, with the radio or al-Quran (jalan sebelah tapi tak dapat nak dengar clearly, sobsob) being played while they walked around. A thought came to my mind, would I rather be her, or be me. There are so many more less lucky people in the world, and why should I lose my spirit just because I can't properly listen with my right ear. I still have my left ear. I still can hear. I still can talk, I can walk, I can RUN!

Bila hilang deria (untuk sementara insyaAllah), walaupun hanya sebelah, I feel so grateful that I am born with the 5 perfect senses. Saat-saat macam ni lah bagus untuk kita renung balik, yang dunia ni, does not revolve only around you. 

Everytime I wake up, I hope that I can hear again, but everytime I woke up, the condition stayed the same. Everytime I woke up, I have this sad, hopeless face on me because everytime I wake up the hearing doesn't get better, in fact, it feels worse because all the while when you were sleeping you don't hear anything, and then when you wake up, of course what you would like, is to be at most alive. I don't really know if I am making sense here. I just needed to write and express all this.
I feel like crying when I know every weekday, I have classes to attend. And in the classes I might not be able to concentrate 100%. If would be different if I was on a holiday, I would not feel that much stress.
And great, exam is around the corner.
Petronas, maaflah ye kalau first semester exam ni result tak berapa nak cemerlang. Dah la bila makan ubat, mengantuk, tidur awal. Kawan-kawan semua suruh tidur awal, rest, rest, rest is all I hear. Hohoo.
Bila mau studyyy?? :O 

I'm praying for this ear to get better before 6 weeks, or else I have to go through an operation which will cost my parents a lot of money. I do not want to burden them :( .
InsyaAllah boleh baik dengan makan ubat, doa, usaha and tawakal. 


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