The walking dead.

Dayana Zahari | Friday, October 07, 2011 | 8Comments |
Tomorrow is KDU's Sports Carnival, the closing ceremony I suppose, because basically all the events have all been held except cheerleading, telematch and some athletics event tomorrow. Like usual I'll be running. This year I'll be going for 200m relay, like when I was in standard 3. (HAHA comel tak? Ingat lagi masa lari tu, kaki terseliuh semalamnya sebab pergi tasik hantar tortoises yang dah besar-besar hehe) .
Okay, random much. It is a norm for me to run for 4x100m and that is what I signed up for in the first place, but we had no one to run for 4x200m and there were many that preferred to run for 100m relay, yelahh kan, siapa nak lari 200, speed AND stamina. -_-
When I was 16 and 17, I ran for the same 2 events in school, 200m individual and 100m relay. But what happened in form 5 really traumatized me. I still can remember how my vision blacked out on me somehow, and in a way I could not feel my legs, but I kept running and I did finish the run, and the good thing is I wasn't the last one to arrive. Maybe I used too much energy focusing on my first 100m, I am used to doing that. And then nothing much was left for my second 100m. I could feel I was getting slower. THAT feeling I HATE. The feeling where you can feel your energy damping. It is the LAST thing that I want to happen for tomorrow.
I don't know how, but I HAVE to believe in myself, and I have to trust my body, I have to know that I can push myself more than 100m sprint. I can sprint for 200m! (Yeahhhh right! - Still having doubts)

Whatever it is, I still have to run with this right ear not hearing very well tomorrow. I don't want my team disqualified, just because I can't hear with my right ear. However, I know that I can't balance really well since I can feel only one side of me. 
Honestly, do not mock the elderly when they can't actually listen to what you are saying. I know how it feels to be in that state. You hear people talking, but you can't really figure out what they are saying. It is extra suffering when you have to give extra focus in class just because you can't hear very well.
And when I talk, I feel like talking in a swimming pool~ 

When I headed down from the 16th to the ground floor of this condominium to practice my running, I saw an old lady in a wheelchair-stroller thing, she somehow laid down on it, being pushed by her maid, with the radio or al-Quran (jalan sebelah tapi tak dapat nak dengar clearly, sobsob) being played while they walked around. A thought came to my mind, would I rather be her, or be me. There are so many more less lucky people in the world, and why should I lose my spirit just because I can't properly listen with my right ear. I still have my left ear. I still can hear. I still can talk, I can walk, I can RUN!

Bila hilang deria (untuk sementara insyaAllah), walaupun hanya sebelah, I feel so grateful that I am born with the 5 perfect senses. Saat-saat macam ni lah bagus untuk kita renung balik, yang dunia ni, does not revolve only around you. 

Everytime I wake up, I hope that I can hear again, but everytime I woke up, the condition stayed the same. Everytime I woke up, I have this sad, hopeless face on me because everytime I wake up the hearing doesn't get better, in fact, it feels worse because all the while when you were sleeping you don't hear anything, and then when you wake up, of course what you would like, is to be at most alive. I don't really know if I am making sense here. I just needed to write and express all this.
I feel like crying when I know every weekday, I have classes to attend. And in the classes I might not be able to concentrate 100%. If would be different if I was on a holiday, I would not feel that much stress.
And great, exam is around the corner.
Petronas, maaflah ye kalau first semester exam ni result tak berapa nak cemerlang. Dah la bila makan ubat, mengantuk, tidur awal. Kawan-kawan semua suruh tidur awal, rest, rest, rest is all I hear. Hohoo.
Bila mau studyyy?? :O 

APA-APA PUN :D,
I'm praying for this ear to get better before 6 weeks, or else I have to go through an operation which will cost my parents a lot of money. I do not want to burden them :( .
InsyaAllah boleh baik dengan makan ubat, doa, usaha and tawakal. 

Independent? Step by step.

Dayana Zahari | Tuesday, October 04, 2011 | 0Comments |
Looking the my watch, 6.14 AM. I know I should get ready to go to college by now. Yes, people say college life is 'heaven'-like. Not so much for me though. I don't get which part of this college life that you can say the enjoyment of you know, finished off with high school, and not yet entering the university. Let's partayyy! Yeah right. As I wake up everyday, I think about the stacks of homeworks and assignments pending. Before I go to sleep, I think of the same thing. It is much more hectic than I thought it was going to be. But I wasn't expecting much less either because I'm used to having lots of tasks to be done.
In SM Sains Muar though, your timetable is scheduled for you. If you go to prepatory class (prep), then everyone else does the same. So basically your homework more or less would be the same progress with your friends. It differs here in KDU though, although the work load is about the same, our classes are arranged differently according to our subjects that we take up. So it is just a matter of luck where your timetable gives you time to eat, pray or sleep during the interval of classes. Some are just lucky they have extra time to get their homework and revision done.

As for my combination of subjects, Physics, Maths, Accounting and Economics, I find it mostly packed during the afternoon because Physics usually take up the lunch time and Zohor praying hours. So most of the time I have to rush for Zohor prayers. I consider my lucky part of the timetable are on Fridays because I have only 2 hours of class.

I have been sick for the whole of last week. What really brings me down is that I am physically there in class. Physically unwell that is. But my mind is not. I TRY to be there, to understand what was taught, but I am not really sure how much input that was successfully stored in my brain. And being sick made me sleep early, and I slept for mostly 8 hours every night. True, when we are sick we need our rest, but I don't get to do the same routine like always, where I sleep only 4 hours a day to complete all my tasks. I am struggling to get back to my '4 hours sleep' routine because of the comfort that I've had last week.
And then, I thought a new week would bring me a physically fit body, but I am nonetheless still suffering from infection of the middle ear due to flu. Currently taking medication, and hopefully it would be better after 3 or 4 days. After all, I did call my parents to come and bring me to the ENT.

After 2 or 3 weeks missing home, it really feels good just to sit back behind your own car, your parents at the front telling you stories. I do believe that I am independent enough at this age - well, I should be. But I know that being independent is a slow learning process where we have to achieve each stage step by step. I lived in the comfort of home with my family, and then I left for 2 years in the boarding school to complete my SPM, where I was in good shape taken care of my wonderful classmates, teachers and wardens. Being in KDU is a totally new world though because mostly everything we do, we have to decide for ourselves. So, here we are, each and every one of us still learning to try and become independent, to part from home, slowly, because all this is a normal process in life, and you just have to accept it.

I still miss the times where we always used to go for picnics in Taman Tasik Titiwangsa, where before that we would go to the Perpustakaan Negara ~ Haaaihh. Good times :')

I chose this path.

Dayana Zahari | Saturday, October 01, 2011 | 2Comments |
Assalamualaikum,
Berhabuknyaaa blog ni dah! It has been AGES since I've shared my story.
Well, most probably it was because I had no time and no mood for it.
And because it has been so long, I think it is the right time tonight just to mash up some words and get something posted on here. It is a Saturday night anyway, when else will I have the time?

Last week was one tiring week! The choir practices every day wasn't tiring, I'm used to choir practices. Hours of them. What was tiring was the fact that I had to TRY to be healthy when I wasn't feeling very well. Yes, I avoided medicine, until at a point where I could not take it anymore. I bought Clarinase on Friday in One Utama after our choir performance which made me feel a lot better. My fever is healing slowly, my flu still bugs me, but I will be better soon, insyaAllah. I'm coughing quite badly though.

Since yesterday something quite remarkable happened, I shall elaborate more on our performance of choir.
KDU's group of scholars batch AL 711 and some private students, Farah, Adan and Lalitha, lead by the amazing Keana Reinu performed choir for the KDU Graduation Ceremony in One World Hotel next to One Utama. Honestly, I would not call it a proper choir but rather a really fun singing performance. We sang two songs, one was the KDU song which I thought we did really well, and the Unwritten song, where Keana sang beautifully, and our moves were just so cute ^^ . The whole day went well, except my blocked nose bugged me from early morning till the afternoon.
Atiyah, Amalina, Syiqin and I managed to buy some groceries from Jusco before going back by taxi to Sterling Condo.
Oh yeah, Syiqin bought me a book called 'Pemilik Cintaku Setelah Allah dan Rasul'. She wanted me to read it so badly that she bought it for me as a birthday present. How sweet :') .Thank you Syiqin!

Moving on,
Next week will be Sports Carnival, and then the next will be our internal exam week.
I notice that I've found the 'light' because I've just found my spirit to strive to do my best. I was really down before I did not know why. Maybe because my head was still wandering off. I was still thinking, is this the place where I should be? Now I have found the answer and I shall have no more hesitation in doing anything just because of this odd feeling inside me.
I have chosen this path. Stick to it.
Allah has given me this path, I believe in Allah.

I'll be joining athletics on the Sports Carnival day itself, 8th October 2011.
I will be running for 100m relay, I dread to run for 200m, but if I can and if I REALLY have to, then I will. It is not that I am fussy or anything, I just don't want what happened last year to happen again this year.
It is subject to how much training I get to push myself to that limit :P . Don't laugh, I am not that good of an athlete where I won't mind which event that I'll run for. Training only started this morning since we did not have time at all last week. Thanks to Syahmi for teaching us proper techniques today, we'll try to apply it everyday as we practice. 6 more days to go till the 'big day'! Yeahh~

Well, time to continue doing Physics ;) .
 
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