Usaha dengan apa yang ada, tapi tak bergayut bergantung nyawa.
Sometimes it is so difficult to put emotions into words.
Alhamdulillah today I've ended all my second year papers. InshaAllah, let next time be next Summer. I can't help but realise, when going through hardship, you tend to realise what are the hardship of others as well. I suppose that is the reason Allah gives us tests, because we indeed have to open our eyes and look at those in difficulty. Imagine life being so easy and fun, you tend to want more and more, and barely look to those below you.
Alhamdulillah, I am only tested only by one 'variable'. He wants me to improve on this: Letting go.
To let go of being a perfectionist, to let go of getting photographic memories of information, to let go of being able to just 'wing it' at times.
I remember in school, when I saw my friends working so hard, having long nights burning the candles for SPM. What I did was, sleep at 11PM after the al-Mulk recitation, and wake up after everyone else is awake. I remember only a few days of waking up at 4AM, maybe because I felt bad not doing it while the others are. In brief, I loved my sleep and rest, and I could easily score and become one of the top in school.
They say, the world is round, and you're not always at the top, and not always at the bottom.
In Warwick, I feel the pain of days of studying (I still can't do nights much), and still not getting it. Is it just me, is it the subject, I don't know. I just know that I'm not like how I was before. That's the only one variable. As for everything else, they just seem to fit perfectly in place and I cannot ask for more.
If this one variable can get me closer to Jannah, then be it so.